Dear metamour: a white paper

Hello, new person. Thank you for taking a moment to visit me here, in what a I hope feels like a safe place for you to meet me.


Pen-and-Paper

First, I’d like for you to feel welcome here. I am so grateful that someone I love dearly has met someone that makes their heart beat a little lighter and faster. Or maybe someone who gives them butterflies. Perhaps it is more carnal than that, and that is wonderful also. Whether you are visiting for a few hours or a few years, I want you to know that I care about your happiness, your health, and your heart.

The other reason why I am writing to you is to help give you some insight into who I am and to give you some suggestions about how best to navigate me and my relationship with this person you have just met. I don’t know what your background is, or how much experience you have with non-monogamy. Please forgive me if it sounds like I am making assumptions that you do not have a lot of experience with poly, I am trying my best to be a clear communicator here, no matter what your history is.

I believe that love is abundant. I believe that we love more than one person because there is simply so much love that our cups overflow. I prefer approaching relationships from this perspective, as opposed to the older paradigm belief that we look elsewhere when our primary partner does not meet our needs. I believe that you are unique and special and wonderful, just like I am unique and special and wonderful. I hope you feel the same way, and that we can appreciate each other for the gifts and talents and attributes we each have.

I believe that it’s only weird if you make it weird. So please, say hello to me. Look me in the eyes and smile. Reach out to me to acknowledge me and to let me know that you care about me, that you’ve got my back. Be prepared to be vulnerable and authentic with me. Ask me something to show me you are curious and engaged. Ask me anything.

It takes time for me to warm up to some people. I am shy sometimes, and I am scared sometimes. You are probably smart, funny, beautiful, and talented. It sometimes takes me some courage to open up to you. Please don’t take it personally. Recognize there have been people in the past who haven’t really honored me and my relationship, and this has left me with some trust stuff when it comes to new people. Again, it honestly isn’t you, you’re lovely. I want you to be here, I really am grateful that you bring joy to someone I love so dearly.

If you aren’t sure how to navigate the situation, ask my partner, or ask me. It will go a long way even just to ask, because then I know you care about the pre-existing relationships and that your intention is to make things better for all of us.

If you aren’t sure whether you are non-monogomous, please be very clear and honest about your intentions. If you aren’t sure whether you can handle being kind to me or to my partner’s other partners, please be authentic and honest about your own fears, desires, and questions. I will do my best to hold space for you and to meet you where you are. We can learn together.

No matter how much experience we all have in relationships, we really are all just infants learning to walk together. I know we will all make mistakes. My request is that we all acknowledge each other, see each other, listen, and do our best to look after each others tender hearts.

Again, thank you for taking a moment to read this. It really means a lot to me to know that you are willing to take time to consider me. I feel better already. You’re neat. 🙂

 

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Dear metamour: a white paper

    • zadenalove August 24, 2016 / 8:46 pm

      Thank you Christopher Jackson. Definitely words from the heart. 🙂

      Like

  1. Ann December 11, 2016 / 2:45 pm

    Very beautiful and well said, thank you for sharing. There are several people who I wish I had said these same things to in the past ❤

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s